As I am winding down from a long 7 days on the road I thought I would take a little advice from a fellow colleague and friend and write down a few thoughts.
I started my travels last Tuesday in east Texas at some TSCRA hosted educational programs. We had a wonderful and unexpected turnout for the events. So much so that we ran out of lunch one day. Thank goodness for good caterers who came to our rescue. It was a great opportunity to visit with producers and sponsors alike-the reasons I love this job so much. It is events like this that remind me of the passion I have for this job and industry. Sometimes in all of the hustle and bustle passion can become cloudy and skewed. I find that God always provides me with a little reminder when I need it the most. And while I forgot to get my picture with the mini Eifel tower in Paris, the trip was worth every additional bead of sweat. My goodness east Texas is hot this time of year. Hello humidity, ick!
The later part of the week had me in San Antonio for the Texas Wildlife Association Convention. This, my friends, is what I like to call a job perk. See my brother currently lives in San Antonio. Those of you who know me already know that Ben is a major part of my life. So essentially I have a free trip to see one of my best friends. This week also happened to be my brother’s birthday week. To celebrate his 23 years, Saturday night Ben, Matt and I loaded up to go see one of our favorite singers, Slaid Cleaves. Some of you may know that I had already seen Slaid play once that week. I know you are wondering if he is that good and the answer is YES! Do yourself a favor and catch one of his shows. We spent the evening in downtown San Antonio at Casbeers, an old church turned music venue. Very cool!
Last night, after a wonderful steak dinner and too much cinnamon butter from Texas Roadhouse, Ben and I parted ways. I spent the rest of the evening in my hotel room, sulking and wishing that I lived in San Antonio and could spend more time with my sweet brother. Being restless I, of course, slept horribly. I finally decided around 4:30 to just give up. I pulled out my current book, Crazy Love. I highly recommend it thus far. At the end of my reading I closed the book and had a little visit with God. I say it was a visit because I wasn’t the only one talking. God put a big realization on my heart this morning that brought much peace to my restlessness. See I am caretaker. It’s in my nature. It’s my way of expressing love. Even though I spent most of the week/end working and tired I still rushed home to Ben’s to clean and try to get all of his laundry done. Did he ask me to do this? No. But I just can’t help myself. I feel the need to look after and take care of him. Which in turn is where my desire to live in San Antonio stemmed from. Irrational thinking: If I just lived here I could look after him.
I digress, back to my memo from the Lord. In my quiet time and prayer this morning I realized that I would only be hindering Ben if I lived there. He needs to grow into his own person and he can not do that to its full extent with me there in his shadow picking up after him and trying to protect him from everything. God has a plan for him there. A plan that will mold and grow him into the man he is suppose to be. A man, which I am sure I will continue to admire and be in astonishment of. I reflect back on the 23 years I have already known him and how fast that has gone by. Though I am the older sister, I look up to Ben’s passion for life and the joy he continues to extract from it. Who am I to interfere or limit who he is still becoming?
I later took this thought and mulled it around over some coffee. What a wonderful weekend I got to spend with my brother. What a joy to understand my roll in his life from a different perspective. I am not his caretaker. I am his sister and best of all; I am his friend. For that I can never be more grateful. It’s amazing what God will lay on your heart if you just give him a little of your time.